Back After Many Years

 My Thoughts

Oct 4th 2022

Sakura Fujio here, I haven't write here in a long time for many years I think. I got carried away with life and many things after my laptop broke. 

But now I think its time to write about my life again once more.

Ohh how much I wanted to go to the beach! I have never been there in my whole life! When I was little I use to look at places in picture books magazine. I wanted to go London, New York and the beaches!

When people asked me my age and when I answered "22" they always tell me that I'm young. But age is just a number and I think what it matters the most is a person metal age. 

I have gone through a lot of things in my life at a young age. Things that normal people with normal lives in their 30s haven't even exprienced at all. 

I've lost my father ...its been 8 years...this month October 27th night is the anniversary  of his death. He passed away on a full moon night...I was only a little girl back then and little did I know that bad things were going to happen in my life after his passed away.... 

Right now in the present I'm traumatized by it...all those harsh events in life has become scars in my memories. I have a metal illness and I get anxiety attacks.  I have a lot of things going on in my head. To name one it would be "fear of loosing someone dear to me completely like it happend to my father." Unable to talk to them, touch them, see them again....those thoughts I worry. Having interaction with people in real life is really hard for me too. People get bored of me, some get jealous, some only get closer for their own benefits and a lot of betrayal back stabbing drama from human kind.  Every time I get to know someone but they hate me for no reason and one day they smile at me and one day they become crazy and start yelling at me.....those troubles I encountred....

To name the second problem I have "fear to be hopeless". Since my father passed away I was locked up in the same house and was gaslighted for many years by my stepmom. I was manipulated by her in many ways...she took advantage of my life and me. After my father passing I wasnt going to school anymore...I stop seeing my friends...I didn't have a job...at some point I did but all the income she took it saying that Im too young of a kind...and at some point I quit the job due to my anxieties and socializing problems. I had to work for her ...forced manipulated labor ...making clothes for her costumers. The people who came because they liked my skills...she took all the credits claiming it all. 

Years passed and Covid19 came 2020..

I was at a metal breakdown to the point where I would to harm myself by resting my whole body in the water tank in the bathroom 2-3 times a week. Sitting underwater is what I called..  it was quite deep and sometime I thought I would drown...I can't swim ...yet I did that...I was too depressed...

I didn't have job back then because of lockdowns. Also living in a poor country took away my opportunity I guess...I couldn't work online for other countries and a lot of thing were block acess by the government. 

I was gaslighted by her day by day....her toxic issues never stops. I hated her face even now and all those memories are pieces of sh✘t!! 

She told me that she wouldn't mind if I died because no one would remember me and it makes it easier for her living expense...She told me if I'm gone it will make her happy and all that. I cried and those days were terrible....She said I don't deserves anything because I'm to be miserable and unfortunate....and talked all mean things to my father who is gone..  

It was my worst nightmare....yet I try to express myself and use the advantage of my freetime to share the world who Im.....I posted on Facebook and Youtube a lot back then. I took photos of clothes I made and wore them, drawings, music video covers, etc. But a lot of things I encount....people...different people that gives me bad memories...all those drama. People who judge me while knowing nothing about me...and people who take advantage of me by pretending to be nice and slowly showing their true colors. Some cyber bully me by telling me hurtful things about my personal life....and what I do...I slowly cut them out of my list....a lot of people only care of my looks....not my actual life...they assume my life to be perfect and normal.

Present to 2022...

I have made it so far...I made if out of the dark maze! I'm now living my own life with my own job! I left the dark maze! 

Now paying for everything, living expense, foods expense, traveling expense and all that I need I can fully support myself with what God has provided me. 

But with my previous issues....I still have anxieties...and a bigger health problem...I cried too much when I was little.. and had too much problems as I grew up....I have chest pains these days and nights....I went to see the doctor and doesn't feel better...the doctor doesnt think its a serious problem...even though Im hurting so much inside in pains...days become weeks, weeks become months....I feel so sad as I write this...even knowing that no one is going to read all this....

I feel left out in reality....isolated in my room.

People outside making phone calls to their friends or family....Sometime I do make phone calls with my oversea friends just two people...a person dear to me like a big brother and a sister. 

I wish I could meet them in real life....but I know I wont be able to....

New Blog Post #1

I made this blouse but I think something is missing!
I don't feel so comfortable with my design I don't know why.

I think it is my hair style that didn't suit my blouse with me.

Oh well, it can't be helped.

The ugly building and the beautiful sky~

That's the moon in the broad day light.

Costumer order me to make this skirt with their own fabric. What a beautiful skirt it is!

I made this smocking bag, it was my first try doing smocking!

I was going to keep this to my self but I give it to my friend's mom instead because I

heard that she was ill. I just wanted to make her happy!

And she was happy when I give it to her because she said, "I love the color! Thank you."

Also at first I was making a sliky bag for her with the same design but I couldn't fit the string and I got messed up (0x0)/ But I didn't tell anyone except for my readers here (>o<)/

Japanese Style Vege Fried Rice!

Japanese Style Vege Fried Rice!

Ingredients
-2 cups of cooked rice
-Carrot 1/2
-1 small Cucumber
-1 Onion
-2 cloves of garlic
-White sesame seeds
-1 Spoonful of butter or margarine
-1 Spoonful of peanut oil or olive oil
-Light soysauce

Slice the carrot in half and slice them into thin long strips.
Slice the cucumber as well and do not throw away the seeds
and don't peel of the green skin.
Dice the onions and the garlic.
Heat the frying pan and put the butter in first and then the oil as well.
Fry the diced onions and garlics.
Then put the carrots and the cucumbers.
Add one spoon of light soysauce mix around and close the lid.
Wait for about 2 minutes. Open the lid and see if the carrots are soft by
poking with a fork. If the carrots are soft enough you are ready to put the
cooked rice.
Place two cups of cooked rice into a bowl and mash well with a spoon
(so that won't be in chunks).
Put the rice into the frying pan and mix well with the vegetables.
Add one spoon of light soysauce and mix it with a spoon.
After that sprinkle the white sesame seeds on top of the rice and mix again.
Close the stove once everything seems to be soft and tasty!
Place it on a plate and serve while its still warm!(´▽`ʃƪ)

Alice Got Mixed!🐰

I haven't post on this blog for a long time!! I've been busy with sewing and helping my mom's regular customers. Apparently my computer battery is not good so I'm saving money to buy a new battery which means I won't be able to update Daily Lolita manga for a while. My laptop is also an old Mac Book Pro so I think it will cost a lot(•́ω•̀ ٥) But I'm starting to improve my skills on sewing what I want, and I try to draw manga pages as much as I can when I have free time. I will try to post my drawings on Instagram too! 

I'm typing on my phone so the words might be misspell when I blog from now on. I also have a Kawaii Amino app where I post my photos and thing that I like. You can check me there if you have a Kawaii Amino app(≧ω≦)/ If you come here from that app and if you have followed me, Im really happy and thank you!

Yesterday I've been working on this Blue Alice themed dress and I finished today!

But it is embarrassing to ware while my shoulder gets show off so. . .(ﾟ∀ﾟﾉ)ﾉ I just ware it on top of my blouse. I'm really thin so I need to get a little more fat to become beautiful when waring dresses!

Oh by the way has anyone seen Yo-Ka with his new costume with his shoulders being show off? (*≧▽≦) It really suit him to be honestԅ(✧_✧ԅ) Last time he was waring whithout sleeves black clothes while doing live for the song (Lily)!

Now this time his designer just go: "let's show off his skin more!"ヾ(°ω° ;)

Tatsuya costume and character this time is like a moth or something with blue lips (*≧▽≦)

How to Make Laksa Recipe!

I try this recipe long ago but I'm going to post it here now!

Laksa recipe is well known in Malaysia and in South Asian countries! It is well known in my country as well~ Laksa is a type of noodle dish with coconut milk, chicken, and Indian spices!

This recipe will serve 2 great bowls of coconut chicken noodles. 

Ingredients

-Egg Noodles (or instant noodles)

-Chicken breast

-Garlic

-Onions

-Shallots (very small ones works great)

-Spring Onions

-Coriander

-Lime (very sour)

The small yellow powder is the turmeric and the red is the chilli powder

Seasoning

-Chili powder (non spicy or less spicy)

-Turmeric powder (fresh orange color)

-Salt

-Black or white pepper

-Squid sauce/fish sauce (use the small bottle)

Other

-Oil (peanut oil or olive oil)

-Water (hot or very warm)

-Chickpea powder (roasted chickpea powder)

-Coconut milk (or coconut powder)

Utensils

-2 big or medium pots

-1 big wooden spoon

-Kitchen knife

-Cut board

-Teaspoons

-Several bowls

-Noodle strainer

Preparing the chicken

-Wash the chicken clean

-Season the chicken in salt and pepper in a bowl

-Place the chicken in a pot and pour hot water into the pot with the bowl you have used when seasoning the chicken 

(When doing this the water should just cover the chicken)

-Close the lids and turn the heat to high and wait until the chicken is fully cooked

(you will be able to smell chicken soup if its cooked)

Preparing the soup

-Afterwards close the stove and place the well cooked chicken on a cut board. If you are going to use a plastic cut board make sure to cool the chicken first. 

Don't trow away the chicken soup because you will need it later.

-Slice the chicken into cubes and shapes you want. I used a fork and knife to slice the chicken cause it was hot. 

-Next put about 3 to 4 table spoon of oil in a clean dry pot.

-Turn on the heat to low or mid and put the garlics and shallots in.

-Steer them using a wooden spoon and put the turmeric and chili powder in. 

-At this point the oil color will turn reddish but its normal

-Now turn the heat to high and put the slices of chicken and few drops of fish sauce

-Steer it twice

-Pour the chickpea powder into a cup and mix it well with warm water

-If you are going to use coconut powder, do the same as well

-Pour the chickpea liquid first and then the coconut milk and finally the chicken soup into the pot

-Then put 1 tea spoon of salt, steer and close the lid (you must keep watching the pot at this point or else the coconut milk will overflow from the lid. )

-After 4 or 6 minutes try tasting the soup put more fish sauce if it taste too light. 

-If the soup taste perfect, you may close the stove and start preparing the noodles. 

Final Step

-Boil the noodles in a big pot using your own method.

-Drain the noodles and place them in a big tray or plate to cool down.

-Put  the amount of noodles you want to serve in each bowl.

-Pour the coconut chicken soup on top of the noodles.

-Add some sliced online, spring onions, coriander, lime, and a pinch of chili powder or some fresh green chili.

If you want you can also add some dry seaweeds or Furikake!

[I prefer mine with lots of lime, extra fish sauce and bit of chili powder] (^o<)/